Is He Cheating?
Article by Kajay Williams
Whilst women are blessed with the gift of intuition, most men are skilled in the ability to lie. According to behavioral psychology this is because men are more logical by nature. It is easier for them to remove themselves from their feelings in exchange for the sense of reasoning. Making them more believable when they are lying or making up excuses to cover up their wrongdoings, hence, according to statistics more men cheat in the relationships than women.
In order for women to understand the workings of a cheating man they should prepare themselves in distinguishing the complexities of a cheater at work.
In the initial stages of his affair, a man is bound to have guilty feelings in his mind. So, he suddenly becomes more responsive to fulfilling the needs and requirements of his partner. If your man has started showing unnecessary attention towards you by buying you a dozen roses during non-special occasions, or getting you expensive jewelry as a present when he used to be very frugal about gift giving then you do have reasons to suspect that he is on his way to have an affair.
In Psychology this defense mechanism is called “undoing”. When a man tries to reduce his guilt feelings by giving you costly gifts you can definitely equate that the grander the gift, the bigger the guilt.
If you observe your partner closely, then you will surely stumble upon certain changes in his behavior and attitude. His changes in demeanor can tell you that there’s something going on with him that he’s not telling you. For example, if he used to come home and kiss you on the lips for 5 seconds (with a light tongue action), then slowly, over time, a cheating man will eventually awkwardly head for your cheeks or forehead instead, with a cheap smack or peck. Remember it’s usually the small things that can give them away.
As his affair grows, you turn into a nauseating object in his eyes. He will eventually find ways on how to pick up a fight with you to give him a reason to walk out. These sorts of actions are nothing but creating chances to meet up with the other woman.
When he is deeply engaged with his other relationship he will talk about the probability of ending yours. He will find flaws and faults in your relationship. Leading the conversation to how you two should have never happened, or that your relationship, commitments or marriage was a mistake from the beginning.
He will find aspects of your life that will make you an unfit partner. These are just the classic lines that men use to discourage the relationship. When you discuss your future, he will be very pessimistic and find reasons on why you two will not work out in the long run.
A cheating man will also have frequent temper tantrums when he is with you. His moods will be unpredictable and each time gets a chance to leave your house he will appear gleeful and excited and when he comes back home he’ll have the same resentful look on his face like as if he’s on death row.
All the likings and preferences of your spouse or partner are going through a change. Say, before he enjoys inviting your friends for a backyard barbeque, now, he spends more time washing his car and painting it with a drastic colored scheme like fire red or metallic violet. His choice of movies and music will not be the same anymore. Even his choice of clothing will change.
If he used to wear a pair of road kill pants, a baseball cap and worn out shirt when he goes out to the downtown hardware, this time he’ll pay more attention to the partitions of his gel-soaked hair, how his pants flair to the sides and how the color of his shirt could make him look younger.
Also if things are still not being noticed your partner will try to test the waters by criticizing you at every possible instance. Your traits that once made him infatuated no longer appeals to him. He becomes less appreciative of your works and actions. He’ll point out past issues you had and bring up your past relationships.
He will even be more accusatory when it comes how you interact with your guy friends. He will appear to be distrustful and will lack interest in getting to know the truth. His insecurities seep out from the guilt he is having. The cumbersome pressure of keeping secrets will begin to set inside of him.
In the initial years of your relationship he used to tell you how much he loves you a few times in a day. But, this time he has stopped saying anything about how he feels. He is guarded and wants to keep things to himself. He doesn’t tell you what’s going on in his current life at the office, or his day to day plans because chances are he doesn’t want to repeat what he just told someone else when they were pillow talking. A cheating man tells more things about himself to his mistress.
He feels like the mistress is the shoulder to cry on, the understanding and arms-wide-open emotional shock absorber. He vents more to the other woman than to the wife or the long term girlfriend because he views the wife or girlfriend as an authority figure that he needs to carefully walk on eggshells around. But with the mistress, it is sky’s the limit. He will tell her everything because he views the mistress as someone who has no boundaries and inhibitions.
Making love has become a thing of the past. Even if it happens, he acts just robotically in the bed. His erections take a while than usual. Stimulation becomes difficult for him. While having sex, he looks quite indifferent and preoccupied with other thoughts and the sex no longer last for more than 8 minutes.
Foreplay is lesser and he seems like as if he’s not really into it. Then after sex, he heads straight to the bathroom or roll over to the other side of the bed to sleep. Your conversations in bed will be very monotonous and he won’t talk that much. He seems reserved and spaced out. At this time, he is thinking about the other woman and how he also somehow feels like he’s cheating on her.
When you are trying to call him over the phone, his phone is either switched off or out of reach. And this is occurring every day. Sometimes, his mobile phone is going on ringing and he won’t pick up. Then you get a text message with a flimsy excuse like running out of battery power or not being able to hear the phone ring.
Also another way to know if he’s cheating on you is when you ask him where he was and his answer is different from the satellite tracking system that you ran just using your phones. If he tells you he was at his best friend’s house then you later discovered that his best friend has been out on vacation in Maui for a few weeks now, then there’s certainly a good reason to suspect that he’s hiding his whereabouts from you. When certain stories do not match and he is being too defensive when he’s explaining then you can get a clue that he’s being disloyal.
And lastly if you want to investigate on his affairs do not, by in any way, consult his best friend because men have a secret code of brotherhood to, at all times, protect and look after each other when it comes to cheating on their wives or girlfriends. So don’t even bother bribing his hiking buddy for Exhibit A evidence.
Is your spouse cheating on you but don’t know how to catch him/her?